The problem I have identified among many marriage seekers and some couples is that many people are entering it, with various unrealistic notions and movie-like expectations. Many enter with Romeo and Juliet Mentality. 

They forgot that Romeo and Juliet are characters in a fiction novel. The sad thing about their story is that the so-called whirlwind romance is between immature and hormone-driven teenagers. The whole thing is a play, where hormones are in full control.

You don’t build your marriage based on the fictional novel story, you build your marriage based on real-life biblical principles and personal experiential proofs backed up by scientific evidence and research. 

The worst part of the whole dilemma and crisis in marriages today is, many enter there without proper fundamental knowledge and action plan to execute for a successful marriage. Many begin their marriage like Romeo and Juliet. Unfortunately, they reap Romeo and Juliet experience as well. I am not making light of challenges in marriage at all. However, if you are suffering or finding certain aspects difficult, then, mutually seek help to move forward. 

If only we can all start learning the basics and immerse ourselves into the detailed fact-finding and deliberate practice of what we need to do to succeed in marriage, we will be better off in our relationships.

This will create a lot of peace in our relationships and marriages. Humans are complex and very similar to when you start learning any news that you have zero experience in e.g. a car. I remembered when I was learning how to drive; I was excited at the beginning but, as I keep making silly mistakes, my spirit was down occasionally, and I wasn’t happy with the pace of my progress at all. Thank God for an encouraging driving instructor, who pushed and encouraged me to continue. To be honest, I failed a few times, but I later passed after mastery the basics and minimum requirements to have a license.

So, learning to drive, has its own hurdles to cross, especially when you keep making silly mistakes such as: not looking at the mirrors at the right time, turning right or left at the wrong angles, trafficking within the wrong distance, confusing the car behind you or upcoming vehicles due to wrong signals, using the wrong gear if you are learning how to drive a manual car, using the wrong speed limit or exceeding it based on the road type and traffic conditions, etc. Even though these mistakes are highly likely with many learners, you are still persistent with determination. After a while, you start getting better with time and continue to learn with a lot of practice until you eventually pass your driving test and receive your LICENCE.

Consequently, after passing your driving test and receiving your driving license; You still need to keep observing the rules of driving by being a responsible driver. To be safe and comply with various motoring regulations, you still need to maintain the HIGHWAY CODE. If you disobey the conditions of your driving license, there are consequences and sometimes, it could be messy and detrimental to your continuous driving on a public road.

With that analogy, why do we think, after marriage, we don’t need any marriage highway code and continuous improvement in various aspects of our marriage? A driver will always maintain the car, change the tyre for legality sake, wash the car regularly, service the car, etc. These are precautionary and proactive maintenance measures to keep the car healthy and fit to drive. No marriage will thrive and be successful that doesn’t utilize all means of immersive learning through deliberate practice and engaging in all areas of continuous education and development. These could involve, reading, going to marriage workshops and seminars, engaging in small groups, seeking professional coaching, learning through online marriage courses or group coaching, etc.

So, it’s important, you don’t ignore the regular maintenance of your marriage through proactive and intentional engagement. All successful marriages are due to the couple’s intentional desire and curiosity to seek knowledge that will keep their relationship alive, fresh, and healthy. You don’t have an automatic great relationship.

And if you have been told or sold a lie that, a great relationship is possible by being a spectator and not a participator, you have lied to. You create and maintain what you want to enjoy in your marriage. No shortcuts or living by faith without works. Do the work and reap the result.