Marriage is supposed to be relatively easy like driving a car after you have mastered the basics and rudiments of how to create a successful marriage by choice. We hear a lot of bad press about marriage all the time and then, it looks like, it is a doom institution.

Well, it isn’t. So that’s the good news…

The problem I have identified among many marriage seekers and some couples is that many people are entering it, with various unrealistic notions and movie-like expectations. Many enter with Romeo and Juliet Mentality.
They forgot that Romeo and Juliet are characters in a fiction novel. The sad thing about their story is that the so-called whirlwind romance is between immature and hormone-driven teenagers (Juliet was 13 years old and Romeo is speculated to be between 16-19 years or even older depending on which source you researched). The whole thing is a play, where hormones are in full control. 6 people died within 24 hours, because of untamed infatuation and lust. This can not be true and compassionate love.
You don’t build your marriage based on a fictional novel story or Prince Charming Disney characters, you build your marriage based on real-life biblical principles and personal experiential proofs backed up by scientific evidence and research.
The worst part of the whole dilemma and crisis in marriages today is, many enter there without proper fundamental knowledge and action plan to execute for a successful marriage. Many begin their marriage like Romeo and Juliet. Unfortunately, they reap the Romeo and Juliet experience as well. I am not making light of challenges in marriage at all. However, if you are suffering or finding certain aspects difficult, then, mutually seek help to move forward. Don’t die in silence.
If only we can all start learning the basics and immerse ourselves into the detailed fact-finding and deliberate practice of what we need to do, to succeed in marriage, we will be better off in our relationships.
This will create a lot of peace in our relationships and marriages.
Humans are complex and almost very similar to when you start learning any new thing, that you have zero experience in e.g. a car. I remembered when I was learning how to drive; I was excited at the beginning but, as I keep making silly mistakes, my spirit was down occasionally, and I wasn’t happy with the pace of my progress at all. Thank God for an encouraging driving instructor, who pushed and encouraged me to continue. To shorten the story, I passed after failing a few times. I passed because the Licence Approval Instructor believed that I have mastered the basics and minimum requirements to have a license.
So, learning to drive, has its own hurdles to cross, especially when you keep making silly mistakes such as: not looking at the mirrors at the right time, turning right or left at the wrong angles, trafficking within the wrong distance, confusing the car behind you or upcoming vehicles due to wrong signals, using the wrong gear if you are learning how to drive a manual car, using the wrong speed limit or exceeding it based on the road type and traffic conditions, etc.
Even though these mistakes are common with many car learners, you are still persistent with determination. After a while, you start getting better with time and continue to learn with a lot of practice, until you eventually pass your driving test and then, receive Your LICENCE.
Consequently, after passing your driving test and receiving your driving license; You still need to keep observing the rules of driving by being a responsible driver. To be safe and comply with various motoring regulations, you still need to maintain the HIGHWAY CODE. If you disobey the conditions of your driving license, there are consequences and sometimes, it could be messy and detrimental to your continuous driving on a public road.
With that analogy, why do we think, after marriage, we don’t need any marriage highway code and continuous improvement in various aspects of our marriage? Who told us, that we can enjoy marriage without being serious about it? How did we believe that marriage will fix itself when there are pieces of evidence of cracks on the wall?
A driver will always maintain the car, change the tire for legality sake, wash the car regularly, service the car, etc. These are precautionary and proactive maintenance measures to keep the car healthy and fit to drive. No marriage will thrive and be successful that doesn’t utilize all means of immersive learning through deliberate practice and engaging in all areas of continuous education and development. These could involve: reading marriage books, going to marriage workshops and seminars, engaging in small groups, seeking professional coaching support, learning through online marriage courses or group coaching, etc.
Now, you can see where I am aiming at, it’s important, you don’t ignore regular maintenance of your marriage through proactive and intentional engagement. All successful marriages are due to the couple’s intentional desire and curiosity to seek knowledge that will keep their relationship alive, fresh, and healthy. You don’t have an automatic great relationship. You create and build one from the ground up.
And if you have been told or sold a lie that, a great relationship is possible by being a spectator in your marriage or courtship and not a participator, you have been lied to. You create and maintain what you want to enjoy in your marriage. No shortcuts or living by faith without works. Do the work and reap the result. You cannot harvest what you didn’t plant. So, stop looking for a ready-made relationship because it doesn’t exist. You have to cook your own and enjoy the deliciousness of your handwork.
So, go and get your ingredients and start preparing your amazing relationship…..You are worth it and you deserve it as well
Wishing you a happy weekend and looking forward to helping you create a great relationship and providing you with one of the marriage ingredients as well, via our forthcoming program: THE LOVE FRAMEWORK MASTERY PROGRAM.
God bless you. Enjoy. Please comment below and share your thoughts, so we can learn from you as well.

Leave a Comment

Scroll to Top